1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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