That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
