dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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