why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
