she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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