it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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