explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
