I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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