how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Operation Purity has been aborted
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
