Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
