Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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