I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
