I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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