Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
