1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
