yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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