i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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