Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
