Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
