Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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