I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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