when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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