his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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