I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
