yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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