It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
