You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize