i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
