I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
