The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are all done wearing pants today
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
