i just had sex bonerless
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
