i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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