I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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