you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
