smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
