i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
