Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
