hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you.
Bad choice
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
