You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
