if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
