Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
