you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
