Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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