She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
