She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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