Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
