matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
