omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
