I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize