If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
