i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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