dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
