It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just gift wrapped bread.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
