She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
