There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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