just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
