Having a random hookup so left but love u
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she smelled like a LAN party
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
