Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
