And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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