You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
