Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
