he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
