And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
