Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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