I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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