i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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