May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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