Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
