im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
