She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
