Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
