Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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